Flip-Flop

flip hop

Seriously, I have to ask. What in the world is going on with some of today’s hip-hop artists? More specifically, why does it appear they use Twitter as a resume builder for job openings in motivational speaking? I’m not criticizing them for trying to make a difference, I’m laughing because a lot of their advice directly contradicts their lyrics. I call them flip-flop artists.

Flip-flop artists will touch the hearts of their female followers by sending tweets on the proper ways to treat a lady. This of course just before releasing a single that boasts their ability to throw stacks at strippers. Flip-Flop artists turn the other cheek and inspire their followers to take the high road when it comes to their haters. Then, they release a song featuring a profanity laced message to their own. I am not a prude and I happen to enjoy hip-hop music, but when it comes to loving an artist– they have to be real.

Real~a word MOST used by today’s hip-hop artists, funny how few actually are. Either the Tony Robbins twist on Twitter is fake, or the music they promote is, but they can’t have it both ways. Again, this is NOT an indictment on all rappers or hip-hop music as a whole. I speak only through observations I have made on my personal Twitter account, of which I am still hardly popular. Maybe I’ll go motivational? -BKB

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Choke A Cola

choke

We all have our crosses to bear in life. Those little things that always seem to plague us no matter what. If you haven’t already gathered mine, take a gander at my favorite sports teams under the “Extras” tab on this website. I will give you 10 seconds now to do so…

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Ok, now that you have done that did anything stand out?

(I won’t bother opening the floor for discussion, this blog isn’t exactly bleeding with comments from crazed fans…yet.)

Ladies and gentlemen, I like teams that choke. And when my team chokes in or before they make the post-season, the team I decide to pull for the rest of the way–chokes accordingly.

C-H-O-K-E

CHOKE! CHOKE! CHOKE!


Yes, I’m afraid my teams have been drinking Choke-A-Cola since I was 4 years old. That was 1995, and by no coincidence the last year the Atlanta Braves and Dallas Cowboys were World Champions.

I was born in 1991, By the time I was 4, the Cowboys had won 3 Super Bowls, the Braves started their 14 consecutive division titles streak and won a World Series. The significance of that to me at the time—none. I was too busy sneaking away to soil my diaper and play with barbi- uhhh I mean GI Joes.

Since then, it has been one choke after another, and on the biggest and brightest stages. My teams don’t just lose, they lose bad. I mean they rip your heart out and blow it to pieces, then are kind enough to do it again the following season. Whether it’s dropped snaps or walk-off homers my teams have a real flare for the dramatic–choking edition.

choke2

As previously stated it doesn’t just plague my true blue favorites, but any team I decide to root for at any given time. In 2011-2012 the Atlanta Braves were a customary early exit in the playoffs so I decided to pull for the Reds. Being from Cincinnati, it was cool to see one of our teams in the national spotlight. What happened next? The Reds lost 3 straight games at home, squandering a 2-0 series lead, allowing San Francisco to advance to the NLCS and eventually win the World Series.

Case in point.

This last Super Bowl, or should I say Snoozer Bowl was no different. I pledged my allegiance to Peyton Manning and the best offensive team not just this season, but of all-time. In return I was rewarded with 8 measly points and one of the most lopsided Super Bowls in the history of the game.

There will be plenty more opportunities for me to sound off on the Cowboys or Braves by themselves and trust me, in time I will. But for now, I’ll leave the magnitude of their recent failures for you to reflect on. Just know each time I had a front row seat.

Furthermore, I would be remiss if I didn’t at-least give the Kansas Jayhawks basketball squad some credit. They’ve been mopping up my tears from Dallas Cowboys disasters for years. However, they aren’t entirely without blood on their hands. They did go 20 years in between National Championships. But hey, toddler years aside, it was the only time a team I called my own reigned tall atop the sports mountain. All is forgiven.

Cowboys…Braves…that could be you. But I won’t hold my breath.

-BKB

Fitness 19 Makes a Funny

One of Fitness19's wall mounted motivational quotes.
One of Fitness19’s wall mounted motivational quotes.

Lets be real, if Jersey Shore made one thing cool during its domination of late night TV, it was weightlifting right?  I mean its the only facet of GTL (gym, tan, laundry) I haven’t thrown to the way side. Of course, I never really gave tanning a chance, being in the “redheaded” fraternity a trip to the tanning bed would go about as well as a trip to the electric chair. But I digress.

Now, if there is one thing Fitness 19 fancies itself with its the constant rearranging and remodeling of their quite limited space. For a while there I couldn’t successfully walk to the calf machine on my first try. It was like a regular game of hide and go seek precluded any workout. Recently, they found a layout that suits them, but new “before and after” pics of world class success stories are showing up on the walls, and cheesy, “off the wall” motivational quotes are surfacing above the water fountains. Usually, I would just laugh when I read them and continue on my way, but this time I couldn’t help myself.

“YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY, YOU ARE BORED, DRINK SOME WATER AND LEARN & DIFFERENCE”

I think a resounding LOL is in order here. Actually, lets step it up to a sturdy LMAO! Is this what motivational quotes are coming to these days? Who put Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino in charge of motivating the Fitness19 patrons? Seriously, I had to check twice to see if “grenade” or “slop-o-potamus” was in there. They aren’t, but I suppose you will become both if you don’t take heed to this brilliance.

Fitness 19 is the best kept secret in Mason, Ohio. I will continue to workout there as long as they’ll let me, but their new wave of inspiration is down right comical. I can’t wait to see what they pin up next, possibly, “RETIRE THE KITCHEN DITCHEN, IT’S TIME TO DITCH THE KITCHEN!” Or maybe the trainers  will start blowing in to a grenade whistle should their clients fault on the bench press. Either way it appears a new era is upon us, so get ready. It’s t-shirt time.

-BKB